Truly Evil Spiced Pickled Onions

Ms Monkey is totally enamoured with pickled onions, the spicier the better. But shop bought efforts are rarely vicious enough for her tastes.

The perfect pickled onion, in my humble opinion should be crisp, vinegary and hot enough to curl the toes. This recipe has always served me well and produces perfect, beastly onions every time.

This whole process will take place over three days but in short bursts...apart from the peeling bit, that takes forever!

INGREDIENTS:

Salt (100g per litre of water. You will probably need just under 1k)

Vinegar with 5% acidity (I always buy 5 litre bottles but then I make a lot of pickled onions. You can buy pre-spiced vinegar but it's a bit wimpy in the spice department and I like to see all those spices suspended in the jars)

Pickling onions or shallots (your local green grocer is probably your best bet for these...mine sells them by the kilo or, in my case, by the sack load. Or you could try growing them yourself, check out my other blog (http://gardeningthemonkeyhouse.blogspot.co.uk/) in February for instructions on growing them by seed)

Pickling spice (you can buy ready mixes of pickling spice, which are fine but generally not very generous and far too mild for me. There is nothing wrong with them but I would add to them in the chilli department. My mix contains: dried chillies, coriander seeds, black peppercorns, cloves, black & white mustard seeds and allspice. You could also use mace, bay leaves, cinnamon, dill etc. I make up a large batch that I can use for other pickles)

Chillies I like to add a couple of Birds Eye chillies, or something similar, to every jar for a little kick and to warn the unwary that these are not pickles to be messed with!

Large jars with vinegar proof lids (old pickle jars are perfect so beg, borrow or steal them from friends & family. Freecycle is a good place to ask. Rubber sealed jars like 'kilner' jars are perfect but check the seals are in good condition)

METHOD

Day 1:

The first job is to make up some brine at 100g of salt to one litre of water. You will need this to soak your onions in. To give you a rough idea you will need about five litres to cover one bucket of onions. To make it; simply dissolve the salt in hot water. Set this aside to cool.

Salt dissolving in my slightly wonky stock pot (adds to Christmas list).
Don't use a non-stick saucepan, it doesn't work; I know, I tried!

When cold, fill your bucket or chosen receptacle with with the onions, discarding any squishy or mouldy ones (do not use a metal container unless it is enamelled...something to do with reactions, not sure what as I've never tried it but it's bad, man, real bad). Do not skin them first...that little pleasure is still to come! You need to leave enough room at the top of your vessel to cover your onions completely with the brine. Pour the brine over the onions and place a plate on the top to keep the little blighters submerged. Leave these for twelve hours...overnight will do.

Onions reposing in the bucket in their briny bath

Plate added...I hate these plates!

Day 2:

The first job is the same as the day before, make up your brine, exactly as you did before and set aside to cool.

Now the fun job, providing your definition of fun is peeling wet, cold, slippery, petrified eyeballs and stinking of onion for the best part of a week!

Try doing this for two hours, wearing swimming goggles!
(If you do, remember to take them off before answering the door)

Pour away the brine, which is now a charming brown colour and sit yourself down for a session of peeling (pop a nice film on, if it's something soppy you can blame the onions). This is actually a lot easier than peeling dry onions, but still tedious, smelly and eye watering. Baring in mind that onion skins are used as a dye and will stain your fingers and that the smell will stay in ingrained into your skin for about a week, you might want to wear gloves.  Top and tail them and cut off any manky bits before popping them back into their bucket or receptacle and covering them, once again, in brine. Pop your plate on the top to weigh them down and leave for twenty four hours.

Hmmm...there seems a lot less now than when I started!

Ms Monkey's patented spice recipe...it's not patented, help yourself!

Now is a good time to prepare your vinegar as it needs to be cold when your pour it over your onions. Pour your vinegar into a non reactive saucepan or stock pot (not copper or zinc...do they make zinc saucepans?). As I buy five litre bottles of vinegar I end up doing this in two halves so my measurements for spices are based on two and a half litres...saying that my measurements are two handfuls of pickling spice per saucepan, so not particularly precise. Pop your spices into the vinegar and heat until steaming, do not allow to boil. Turn off the heat and allow to cool...I reserve last years bottle and pour it into there when cool, use a funnel to prevent spillage...a vinegary kitchen is not the best. The heating smell alone will send my boys running for cover, but I quite like that hot, spiced vinegar smell....it covers up the smell of cats, dog and teenage boys! I happen to like spices floating away in my pickle jars but if you are not keen you can filter these out at this stage using a fine sieve or jelly bag. The vinegar will keep so any surplus left after your pickling operation can be saved for next year or for your next devious pickling project.

Spices swinging, nostrils stinging!...I actually feel a little dizzy, looking at this

Day 3:
Now for the rewarding bit. Other recipes for pickles seem a bit divided on the issue of whether you need to sterilise your jars prior to pickling, so I tend to err on the side of caution and sterilise mine. For jams and jellies I boil the buggery out of the jars and lids and transfer the jellies whilst they are still scorchio! Helps to create a good seal. But for pickled onions the jars should be 'warm and dry' as opposed to 'a bit soggy and the temperature of Beelzebub's sauna'. So what I do is pop them in the oven, upside down, and then turn it on to 160 degrees Celsius. When the temperature is reached, turn the oven off and let them cool until you can touch them without removing your fingerprints. I sterilise the jar lids or seal by sticking them in a bowl and covering in boiling water...I'd be a little more thorough if I was doing the jam thing but I think I can rely on the vinegar killing most nasties...and the chilli won't do them any favours either (I like to imagine that my pickles are similar to those hydrothermal vents which pump out heat & organic compounds that only extremophiles can live in)

Next job, clean the oven!

Tightly pack the onions into the jars and cover with the vinegar and spices, making sure that there are no air pockets and that the spice is evenly distributed. Get your chillies and prick them a few times with a needle, voodoo pin or whatever you have to hand and pop one or two into each jar. Seal the lid tightly, label the jars and pop away in a cool dark cupboard or crypt for three months...yes three! If you do them in September, they will be perfect for chrimbo...patience is a virtue and if you are good you will be rewarded with crispy, blisteringly spicy, pickled onions!

Strawberry Vodka

Well, another day, another blog! I have decided to start this blog to share recipes and talk about my occasional foraging efforts. Those of you who know me will be aware of my love of cheap, nay, free food. I have a minuscule food budget and am, therefore, creative when it comes to feeding my brood. I also love to spoil my friends with the fruits of my labours; be it in providing them with yummy meals or edible gifts. Things don't always go to plan but when they do one is left with a marvellous feeling of a job well done! Besides, I get a great deal of enjoyment from growing edibles & collecting them from the wild. And another thing...Ms Monkey does not do processed food! I think the latest scares regarding horsey meat show that you just don't know what you are getting!

 

And so, let us start with a subject close to Ms Monkey's heart.....BOOZE!

Isabel looks longingly at Ms Monkey's little tipple....but we say No, kitteh!

 

This recipe is best done in early summer, when strawberries abound in our native land, rather than having been flown in from foreign parts. It's always better to buy local; for both the local economy and for the planet. We've passed 'peak oil' don't you know...anyway eco rant over. As Valentine's day has just passed, there are plenty of 'just passed' their sell by date strawberries about.

It's immensely satisfying to grow one's own but mine never make it to the plate, let alone having enough to spare for creating this tasty drink! I, therefore, make use of the local 'pick your own' establishment. It's great fun to stroll along, picking the choicest fruit...and munching on one or two whilst one is at it! Strangely, the boys don't seem to enjoy it as much as I do...who would've thought? I recommend using traditional red strawberries, rather than the new 'white' varieties, because of the wonderful red colour they infuse...I'm sure there is little between them on flavour but I do love the colour. An interesting alternative might be to use alpine strawberries...but again, mine get eaten straight of the plant. Patience is not my middle name...

STRAWBERRY LIQUEUR
Ingredients:   2kg strawberries approx
                      2kg white sugar
                      70cl vodka

Equipment:   demi-john or large Kilner type jar
                      air lock or lid
                      jelly sack or muslin for straining
                      nice bottles...clean ones will do
                      stoppers, corks, screw tops etc  

Method:        Can you tell I'm a scientist yet? Slice your strawberries into quarters, removing all leaf material, and place within the receptacle you have chosen. Gently pour the sugar over the top. Pour in the vodka, pop the lid on and give your demi-john or jar a damn good shake or stir. Place the container somewhere warm; an airing cupboard or sunny window sill is fine.

 

The concoction will need to be shaken or stirred once a day until the sugar has dissolved. This should be about a week. Once the sugar has all disappeared, put the concoction somewhere warm and dark and leave it for about a month. You will notice that the liquid will turn red and the strawberries themselves will drain to a sickly white colour.

The liquid should be strained through a jelly sack or muslin to remove the fruit...give it a good squeeze and/or leave it over night, depending on how you are going to use the fruit. Don't throw away that fruit...pop it in a container in the fridge and then, it can be used in pale, strangely coloured & flavoured, boozy jams or dried in a dehydrator for fruit leathers or sticky treats...recipes to follow!